“What am I?” There is no simple answer.

So, it is not Saturday, and Sunday that I write again. The plan to return was delayed for one day, and I came back only on Sunday. The question is too difficult to answer. The question, “what am I?” has no simple answer, I told her.

My boss is on leave and I take up her duties as well. But since we are now in between two busy seasons, there are not much additional work to do. Over the evenings after work, we had long talks over the phone. We even saw once, in a pre-arranged gathering amongst our mutual retiring friends before my short trip. During the very short time after dinner, it was late and there was little time to effort, she let me held her hands, kissed her and hugged her, briefly. I knew that she was happy, at that fleeting moment. I wrote, afterward, that seeing her, we temporary forgot our unhappiness. She wrote back, “… and then?” but why I should care.

She said, and I have no reason to disagree, rationally, that I should say goodbye, because I endured a period of unhappiness, disturbance, in the past weeks about that incident. The first step to do was to leave so further disclosure of our relationship can be avoided; since if that happens, would cause a storm much bigger and much unhappiness.

Love, is never rational, I told her. I never regret it, and know that she does not either. Quiet, but unhappy, is equally not bad.

I told her that I should not mention too many unhappy incidents at home to her. I wrote, “no matter what she is, she is not my consultant or psychologist.” The only answer that I come up with on the question “What am I?” so far. Yes, she said, she is the participant.

The storm has been subdued a bit, or we are only in the eye of the storm, waiting for its destructive force again, in a different direction. We all know that the storm will not die down, only is waiting for intensification again. Perhaps, it does not matter whether I decide to leave her. Have I told her so?